Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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