drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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