It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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