he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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