11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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