he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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