In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
