I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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