I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
