you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
