Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
