Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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