well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
