I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
