i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
