i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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