he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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