You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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