Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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