His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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