As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
