He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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