Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
