but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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