i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
