There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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