Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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