I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
