meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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