Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
