I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
