i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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