Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
