i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
