Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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