he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
