party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
