when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
