I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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