my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
