my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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