remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
