You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
