maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
