Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
