Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
