He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
