I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
