How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
