I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
