but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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