I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
