he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
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